Turning Point .

They say for your life and people around you to change ,first you'll have to change yourself .Im pretty sure today is my turning point .Im tired of rebelling all the time ..its just too easy now to rebel and I realize now that i don't really get anything out of it .There is this wise man I know whom I call "daddy " said ,"Life is like a war ,you can never win them all .Sometimes you'd lose and learn the lesson the hard way .The hardest part in the war is to stand back up when you fall cuz if you don't ,you'll die ." .I know myself and I know I will always stand back up no matter how low and hard i fall .Apparently standing back up was never easy for me but I always have ..


I re-invent myself too many times before ,from geeky to goth to emo to wild ..I've tried so many styles ,attitude and personality to find where i belong .Up to the point where I end up having everything in me and there's nothing worst than looking in the mirror and you can't even answer this question  "who is that person staring back at you ?" .I realize now that I end up feeling like a weirdo with too many personalities but then i realize that this weird personality of mine is actually the real me ..and being myself is the best personality that i can carry .When i finally accept myself ,and start to love it ..i feel so much lighter and without it i can fly higher .I love myself and my life now and I wouldn't want to be in anybody else's shoe .Peace .

mine

i heart this song called mine by taylor swift because i can really relate to it ..so i've raped the replay button countless times .

It is true that to fall in love while seeing all the love that fails ,crash and burn so many times in your rearview mirror is not an easy thing to do.Therefore ,I have the tendency to run from love sometimes because of that and it seems that everybody around me will end up saying goodbye like all the time .So naturally sometimes i tend to loose hope that it is something worth fighting for ,but I still have this hope somewhere in the back of my mind or like a blind faith that if you meet the right person for you ,then it is worth fighting for no matter how hard the wind blows to tear it apart.I still have this small childish hope to actually find this guy one fine day .,where the hell are you then ?! I know ,i know ..patience ..I hope the love that i'll find will be there till the end like this old couple over here .


Today i went back to visit my old babysitter whom i called mom .They are an old couple like this couple on the right and still live happily enjoying each others company .they bought a house somewhere a little bit more peaceful than the city but not too remote with quite a lot of extra land and dad made a beautiful garden on it while mom cooking or baking in their kitchen .They gave me a little more hope that not every relationship would crash and burn and that there's still such love that can last forever .  

The 23rd march 2011 .

gahhh ,finally mann .

 The day i've been waiting for like 3 months already .This morning i only got like 3 hours of sleep because i cant sleep till 4 am in the morning last night.So naturally i put a lot of effort to get my ass off the bed this morning.Suprisingly I woke up this morning feeling..nothing .just a lil' bit of excitement and curiosity i guess. At the end i got 5A's ,1B+ ,2C+ ,and 2C .I cant believe i got a stinking B+ for my Bahasa Malaysia .that just sucks ..a lot .But then again who would have thought that this girl who usually fail her sejarah can get an A eh ? hmm ,life is strange in so many ways . 

heeeeee :)

To top it off ,it turns out today is also the day where i finally got my legs to walk around a.k.a my driving license ! That itself made my day and got the chance to drive all the way to putrajaya to visit my mums bestie who had just gave birth to an adorable baby boy . So at the end of the day i just simply went to chillis to celebrate it with my mum and my annoying brother trying my best to let the fact that i already know my result sink in my brain .

Well whatever it is ,I know there is absolutely no regrets in my head nor my heart because i worked hard for the whole year for it .I mean for this 'smart' person who is clever enough to get 1% as her result for her physics march exam last year ,C+ is a definite A compared to the 1% ryte ? Plus i do believe that this is the best result for me and in time insyallah ,i will know why .but for now it shall stay as a secret kept by Allah Himself .Im proud of myself for not flunking my additional maths for the first time .Im happy with it as it is and thankful that i am blessed with parents that is very understanding and do believe in me and paid for my education like highschool fees ,tuition and stuff .I appreciate that A lot because without the tuition especially i could have gotten an F instead .So thank you .




So now ,im currently stoked that you guys actually read this whole thing and im figuring out my next turn for this ride .I know im only 17 but it has been a heck of a rollercoaster ride ..So far :)

I love my life .

I finally settled in my new house .i manage to organize my room and evrything .feels good .the friggin' results is just around the corner and i had just realize that like 10 minutes ago but im still stoked to the fact that i finally drove a car for real this time :) I waited like a decade for this moment and its finally here.Now im enjoying evry moment of this part of my life which basically includes doing nothing .I went through this sugar blockage diet for like a month and a half now and i lost 6.5 kgs .i feel lighter i guess .i hope i can still be strong to go down another 14 kgs ! I changed a lot this past 2 months .The level of rebellious urge inside me is slowly fading and im much more femenine-ish now .maybe now i like taylor more than miley's songs i guess .I even change my style of hijab and my tops .Still need to figure out where to put my one pile of clothes in my room cuz my wardrobe is full .So i end up hanging them under my highrise bed .wow ,im suprised and stoked that u actually read this till the end .but thank you for doing so ,loves ..